Warning: This Post Contains Spoilers For ‘Avengers: Infinity War’

Avengers: Infinity War Poster

If you have not seen Avengers: Infinity War and hate spoilers, do not read the following.

Back in December I posted the spoilers for The Last Jedi. They were not without ample warning, the header of the post literally the largest one. Here, I’ve decided to do it again with Avengers: Infinity War. There will be a few blocking paragraphs before we get to the spoilers.

I learned two things from posting that previous spoilers article. The first is that there was a subset of people like me, people that abhor the movie theater so much but want to stay in the current conversation about a thing. These people aren’t all the same. Some, like me, have social anxiety and struggle with large, compact crowds. Some were even further down the rabbit hole on social and anxiety issues.

The point is that sometimes, posting the spoilers isn’t necessarily a terrible thing even if the directors of Avengers: Infinity War recommend staying off the internet until you see the movie. Who is going to do that? Thanos demands my silence? Whatever.

The second thing I learned is that even if people say they don’t want to read spoilers — they do. They’ll whine about it, even if you say numerous times that this post contains spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War. They will discount my statement about the spoilers not being made up and think I’m just being sarcastic. They will then ignore all warnings about spoilers and then scour Google and Facebook and Reddit and Twitter for spoilers, then read the spoilers. Then, they will slide into my DMs with false vitriol. Actually, that only happened once.

If you read these spoilers because of your free will, don’t spout them on Twitter or Facebook for all to see. Some people don’t want spoilers and you shouldn’t give them no choice in hearing them. You have a choice here. You still have time to click off the page and not read this.

Most of the comments I received on the last spoiler post were from people happy they didn’t have to stress about seeing the movie (because literally not knowing gave them anxiety) and just agents of chaos like myself, who leave it up to the people to make a choice. Remember, this post contains spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War. To close the loop and cement a point, I eventually did see Star Wars: The Last Jedi, in the comfort of my home, knowing every single major event in the film but still entertained by it. I’m sure Avengers: Infinity War will yield the same results, plus some of this is obvious if you are a fan of the Marvel comic universe.

This is the last paragraph before spoilers. I am not kidding.

It should also be noted, before I get a bunch of direct messages from local movie critics who go to advance screenings — I was not invited and did not attend an advance screening for this movie in my hometown or any other area. As I’ve explained before, I sourced these spoilers from other people who went to a screening somewhere in the country, or perhaps I used telepathy, or Reddit. Either way, there are plenty of warnings before the spoilers so don’t blame me for movie spoilers ruining your marriage. Chances are you’ve got larger problems with that and you are just hiding behind an easy and indefensible scapegoat.

These are actual spoilers so do not read if you don’t want spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War.

Spoilers below all the asterisk spacers. I did my best to force Google to not pick up spoiler text, but I can’t control how Google search operates.

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Loki dies. He kind of had this coming for a long time. He doubled crossed Thanos in the first Avengers movie and even though he gives up the Space Stone (contained in the Tesseract) and tries to again trick Thanos, Thanos kills him. Thanos also fights the Hulk, but Hemidal sends Hulk to Earth in the nick of time. At this point, Thanos already has the Power Stone after apparently destroying Xandar.

Hulk doesn’t return. We see the Hulkbuster in the trailer, and that’s actually Bruce Banner in the suit. After his interaction with Thanos, he’s unable to turn back into the Hulk and joins the battle in Wakanda against Thanos’ forces in the Hulkbuster suit. There is a running joke throughout that Hulk, after getting beat down by Thanos, doesn’t want to come back out.

Stan Lee is a bus driver. Because what’s a Marvel movie without a Stan Lee cameo?

Gamora dies. Thanos, after obtaining the Reality Stone from The Collector (Thanos now has three stones), he separates the Guardians of the galaxy and takes Gamora. It should be noted that Thanos teleports all over the place throughout the movie, taking the action with him. He also has a couple sidekicks that take on individual Avengers to obtain stones. Thanos takes Gamora to his ship, where he is torturing Nebula. Eventually Gamora gives up the location of the Soul Stone. To retrieve it, Thanos has to sacrifice Gamora. She tries to kill herself but Thanos tosses her off a ledge on the Soul Stone planet and retrieves the stone. Four stones down, two to go.

Thor forges Stormbreaker. In the comic universe, Stormbreaker was originally created by Odin (with help from the Dwarves of Nidavellir) after Beta Ray Bill was found worthy of lifting Mjolnir. In the movie, Thor, Rocket and Groot visit a CGI dwarf played by Peter Dinklage to create the new hammer with a heart of a dying star. Thor does some things, gets burnt a bit and after Groot supplies the handle of the hammer, Thor has a new weapon to take on Thanos with.

Dr. Strange just gives Thanos the Time Stone. During the battle on Titan, in which Thanos again teleports to, Thanos almost loses the Infinity Gauntlet. Stark, Dr. Strange, the Guardians and Spider-Man (who spends a lot of time in space, thanks to a new suit from Stark) formulate a plan to separate Thanos from his Nintendo Power Glove. However, Star-Lord flips out when he learns of Gamora’s death and the plan is bonked. He beats the crap out of Iron Man and stabs Tony. In order to save him, Dr. Strange gives up the Time Stone because that seems totally logical. Spider-Man takes a whupping in this scene as well. Thanos now has five stones, making it look easy.

Vision dies. In order to hopefully prevent Thanos from getting the Mind Stone, the Scarlet Witch separates the Mind Stone from Vision, killing him in the process. Using the Time Stone, Thanos is able to go back to that moment, and snatches the Mind Stone. Before getting the stone, Thanos battles Captain America, who is defeated. For the moment, Steve seems to be alive but badly beaten. With that, Thanos now has all the Infinity Stones.

Stormbreaker doesn’t work. Arriving back on Earth, Thor is able to jab Thanos with Stormbreaker, thinking a nice sharp hammer through the gut should do the trick. Didn’t you learn anything from John Wick Thor? Always aim for the head. Thanos doesn’t die but instead snaps his massive fingers and disappears. He’s got to find Mikey and get that pirate treasure. No wait, he’s got to go fight Deadpool. No wait, he’s off to help The Collector take down drug cartels. Regardless, all seems lost.

Ash to ash, dust to dust. Spider-Man turns to ash in Tony’s arms, like the end of 30 Days of Night. We see Black Panther, Mantis, Drax, Bucky, Dr. Strange and Star-Lord all turn to ash. Everyone turns to freaking ash. Even Maria Hill and Nick Fury turn to ash in the after credits scene, as they watch the world around them turn to chaos. On Fury’s com screen, you do catch a glimpse of the Ms. Marvel logo, so that might give a hint as the fate of our heroes.

The next films in the Marvel Universe will surely find a way to resolve this Asgardian sized cliffhanger. Based on the comics, I’m thinking Adam Warlock and the Guardians will play a part in bringing back reality. The mythos of the comics is pretty deep, but I’m almost sure the Avengers and friends are all trapped in some alternate death dimension and have to trick Thanos to get out. Nick Fury will probably just yell his way out. Though, for all we know, Ant-Man and Wasp could save everyone, since that’s the next film in the series.

These are just some of the spoilers from Avengers: Infinity War. Like any Avengers movie, there is a ton going on and I just cherry picked a few of the biggest things as told to me. I’m sure there is a Reddit thread you can follow for more details. Oh look there it is.